What Do You Value Most?

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Have you ever wanted to change something about your life, but somehow felt like you were unable to? Maybe you’ve wanted to quick smoking, or start saving part of your earnings, or get out of debt, or get into a relationship, but felt stymied or stuck every time you attempted?

If there’s something you want that you haven’t been able to create, I’d bet you anything that that whatever that thing is, it isn’t really your highest priority. The thing about priorities is this: We prioritize whatever is aligned with our highest value. Will power can be useful for short periods, but over time even if you (like me) think you have strong will power, it will wane. Even if you are clear about your intentions and aware (ie. you haven’t gone unconscious and started operating based on habit), your will power will only get you so far.

In my work, I always begin by illuminating and clarifying my client’s values. You may think you know clearly what you value most, but there are two sets of values that are important to understand: your conscious values and your subconscious values.

Conscious Values:

  • Your conscious values are the things that you believe matter most to you. Maybe you can easily list your conscious values. If not, if you look at your list of New Year’s Resolutions or your list of goals, hopefully you’ll see your values pretty clearly.

Look through the following list. Which 8-10 of these values are most important to you? Which are the top 3-5? Now force rank the top 3-5 on your list. Which is your highest value?

  • Love                      (passion, playfulness, connection, self-love, compassion, unity)
  • Success                (achievement, pride, self-worth, contribution)
  • Freedom               (self-expression, independence, openness, autonomy)
  • Connection          (intimacy, belonging, honesty)
  • Security                (trust, loyalty, confidence)
  • Variety                  (flexibility, adventure, courage, excitement, adaptability)
  • Empowerment     (confidence, self-esteem, fulfillment, self-worth)
  • Passion                (excitement, fulfillment, aliveness)
  • Trust                     (faith, comfort, ease, certainty
  • Compassion        (kindness, empathy, generosity)
  • Well-Being           (health, vitality, energy)
  • Peace                   (presence, contentment, balance, equanimity)
  • Significance        (contribution, charity, influence, gratitude, recognition)
  • Balance               (flexibility, wholeness, harmony)
  • Growth                (wisdom, progress, expansion)
  • Joy                      (delight, humor, wonder, happiness)
  • Creativity           (inspiration, curiosity, power, innovation)
  • Resilience          (perseverance, hope, strength)
  • Responsibility   (contribution, choice, empowerment, providing)
  • Integrity             (authenticity, alignment, truth, wholeness)

Now let’s look at your subconscious values. Your subconscious values influence you and often drive decisions that you make in your daily life. The may be values that you hold because they were your parents’ or peers’ values, or because of what you were taught or decisions you made long ago.

Subconscious Values:

  • The best way to see your subconscious values is to look at how you invest your life energy. How have you been spending your time and your money? What has your mental and emotional focus been? What do the facts of your life show to be true about the values you are currently living?

Look again at the Values List above. Based on how you have been living your life and your current reality, what are your top 3-5 ranked values? Are they different from the values you aspire to have? Are they ranked differently?

The path to intentional change always begins with awareness. There’s no need to berate yourself for choices you have made in the past. Just be aware of them, and what you can learn from them.

If you could choose something to hold as your highest value, what would it be? For me, the answer is easy. I choose love. At times, even though I wanted love to be my highest value, the truth is that it took a back seat to freedom. Once I saw how that operated in my life and the impact it had on me, I was in a position to choose something different. I was in a position to choose for myself.

What do you value most?

How can you use that value as a touchstone for decisions that you make?

How can you allow the value of your choice to guide you to where you really want to be in your life?