My father, who was nearly 95 when he died, used to tell me that the older he got, the less he knew. Before you start thinking that it was the result of Dementia or Alzheimer’s, let me assure you that he was of sound mind until the day he died.
Our culture can be so focused on the next new thing, that sometimes we miss out on really hearing the wisdom imparted by our elders. And yet the perspective of people like my 90+ year-old father is one developed and refined through years of experiences, years of life. I often remind myself of my father’s statement, and the counsel of the Zen teacher, Suzuki Roshi, who encourages us to approach life with “beginner’s mind”.
Think back to the last time you learned something completely new — a new language, or a new sport; how to build a website or pivot tables in Excel. Assuming it was something you were eager and motivated to learn, you probably found that time passed really quickly – as it does any time you are fully engaged in what you are doing in the present moment. You may have felt frustrated, but you likely felt a sense of curiosity and wonder as well.
There’s something liberating about being a learner. People don’t expect you to be competent at something you are just learning how to do. More importantly, you don’t expect yourself to be good at it right away. For many people, it’s the only time when they cut themselves some slack and relax the incredibly high standards to which they hold themselves. Beginner’s mind is a state that allows openness and flexibility. It is sitting in the place of not knowing, and being okay with it. Sometimes it’s the only way to hear new perspectives. Certainly, it allows for more creativity and a flow that gets blocked when our thoughts and point of view become really defined, even rigid.
We so often think we need to have the answers, as if there is a single, right way to navigate through life. You can choose to bring the quality of beginner’s mind into any situation you find yourself in. Next time you find yourself feeling anxious or uneasy because you have no idea what the best course of action is, how to respond to the situation at hand, what the answer is to the question you were just asked, try the following:
- Acknowledge to yourself that you don’t know what to do or say.
- Notice how contracted you are – how tightly you are holding your body, how tightly you are grasping onto your thoughts.
- Take a few deep breaths. Without doing anything, just breathe.
- Begin to make friends with not knowing.
Ready for the challenging part?
- Remind yourself that it’s okay not to know; it’s okay not to have all the answers.
- Look for the benefits of not knowing.
- Instead of beating yourself up by believing that you should know something you don’t, find a way to be curious and sit in the curiosity. It can be delightful if you let it. As Albert Einstein advised, “Never lose a holy curiosity.”
My father didn’t lament about the fact that the older he got, the less he knew. It was something he found fascinating, entertaining, even comical. His point was this: If we stay open and flexible and willing to meet life as it shows up, everything about it can be wondrous and delightful.
