Category Archives: Personal Care

The Power of Language

I’ve been doing a bunch of writing during the past month, working on what I hope will be a book. The book is about my life, the stories that I have told myself about my life and myself, and the way in which those stories impact my experience of myself and my life and other people. I have always been fascinated with and attentive to language. Through the words my clients use, I learn a lot about their mental models. I listen for embedded assumptions. I pay attention to the energy that their words carry, and the energy that their words create. My own writing has underscored for me again the incredible power of language. Think, for example, about the difference between saying “I am adopted” versus “I was adopted”. It seems simple, almost unworthy of notice, but what mindsets or assumptions or beliefs are embedded in those phrases?

 “I am adopted” embraces being adopted as something that defines me, a part of my self-concept. Just like being a woman, being 5’5”, having brown hair and brown eyes, being a good athlete, being an amazing friend. What are the implications of incorporating being adopted into my self-concept? Does that choice serve me and support me? It’s worth digging deeper in considering those questions, because the implications vary from person to person. For me, taking on being adopted as part of my self-concept means living my life with a story that I have abandonment issues, that separations are hard for me, that love leaves and cannot be counted on.

“I was adopted” views my adoption as an event that took place in my life. It’s an event that  changed the people I knew as and called “mom” and “dad”, an even that changed the family I grew up in, and even the city where I lived. It impacted the course of my life, in the way that the school I attended or the friends that I had impacted the course of my life. But just as my friends and my school don’t define who I am, neither does being adopted.

Can you see the way in which I grant less power to the fact of having been adopted if I say and believe “I was adopted” instead of “I am adopted”? Are there ways in which you are undermining yourself or keeping yourself stuck or taking an unnecessarily fixed view of the people in your life?

Consider the difference between:

  • “She is bossy.”  vs. “She is asserting herself in talking with that person this morning.”
  • “He is controlling.”  vs. “He really wants everyone to do what he wants them to do.”
  • “They are mean.” vs. “What they just said wasn’t particularly friendly or compassionate.”

What if we all chose to loosen the grip of labels by paying attention to the interpretations we make and the language we use?

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Laws of Success

Book on the beach

Napoleon Hill’s work and his book, Think and Grow Rich, have influenced many people within the personal development field. The basic premise is that our focus needs to be on being the type of person to whom whatever it is we are seeking naturally flows. To be successful, we must be willing to dream and pursue our dreams, with a burning desire and unwavering commitment, even in the face of adversity and failure.
What is even more compelling than Napoleon Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich, though, is his book, The Laws of Success, in which he outlines Fifteen Laws of Success. These are:

  1. A Definite Chief Aim — a clearly defined thing you want with burning desire to accomplish or achieve or bring to the world. Hill writes, “There is some one thing that you can do better than anyone else in the world could do it. Search until you find out what this particular line of endeavor is, make it the object of your definite chief aim and them organize all your forces and attack it with the belief that you are going to win.”
  2. Self-Confidence — In its most simple form, this is seeing the best in yourself and believing in yourself.
  3. The Habit of Saving — Develop the habit of saving 20% of everything you earn
  4. Initiative and Leadership — Do that which out to be done without being told to do it, develop the habit of initiative by taking some definite action each day that will carry you nearer your definite chief aim. Leadership is based on knowing your employees, knowing your business, and knowing yourself.
  5. Imagination — Imagination is necessary to create a vision of something not yet created or present.
  6. Enthusiasm — An enthusiastic state of mind will bring energy and momentum to what you are doing. “It is the vital force that impels action.” For more, see video 8 below.
  7. Self-Control — Self-control is what “directs your action so that it will build up and not tear down.” Self-control is the result of thought-control, of deliberately and persistently directing your thoughts and energy in productive, supportive directions. See video 6 below for more on this.
  8. Habit of Doing More Than Paid For — This is the habit of performing more service and better service that that for which you are paid. Think Zappos! here. As Tony Hsieh and the gang at Zappos! found, by doing more than what you are paid for, you are planting seeds that will eventually bear fruit. See video 3 below.
  9. Pleasing Personality — This is described in detail in video 5 below.
  10. Accurate Thought — This is the principle of seeing things as they are, and investigating rather than categorically believing all your thoughts. It requires the ability to distinguish facts from interpretation. See video 12 below.
  11. Concentration — “The act of focusing the mind upon a given desire until ways and means for its realization have been worked out and successfully put into operation.”
  12. Co-operation — Cooperation is what drives organized effort.
  13. Failure — Hill says that what we term “failure” is often more accurately described as “temporary defeat”. He goes on to say that “sound character is usually the handiwork of reverses, and setbacks, and temporary defeat.” So embrace it rather than fearing it!
  14. Tolerance — Tolerance is the path to developing positive and effective relationships with others, building bridges and furthering our world toward a state of peace.
  15. The Golden Rule — This is the “guiding star” of the Laws of Success. Because you reap what you sow, treat others as you wish they would treat you, were the situation reversed.

Here are the Success Principles, as delivered directly by Napoleon Hill:

1. Definiteness of Purpose

2. The Mastermind Principle

3. Going the Extra Mile

4. Applied Faith

5. A Pleasing Personality

6. Self Discipline

7. Positive Mental Attitude

8. Enthusiasm

9. Personal Initiative

10. Overcoming Adversity and Defeat

11. Creative Vision

12. Accurate Thinking

13. Cosmic Habit Force

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Set Yourself Up For Success in Adopting New Habits

Have you ever felt exhausted by trying to change a habit? Have you eventually found yourself giving in, to your old pattern of behavior, to whatever is easier? If so, you’re definitely not alone. When we try to change habits, by constantly reminding ourselves to do something in a new and different way, we expend energy to pay close attention to what we are doing. The energy used by focusing on each of the decisions that we are making — about not reaching for a Diet Coke or grabbing a handful of Peanut M&M’s as you walk through your office’s lounge or kitchen — wears us down. And once we’re worn down, we’ll revert to the tried and true, the comfortable behaviors.

So, how can you support yourself to successfully change your habits? Make whatever changes you can to your environment to support the new habits you are trying to instill. Here are a few examples…

Want to be less distracted at work?

  • Set your email so it only downloads onto your computer when you manually prompt it to. Set specific times during the day when you will check your email. Other than those times, keep your email program closed.
  • Leave your Blackberry at your desk when you head into a meeting.
  • Change the settings for your text messages, so that there is no sound alert when you receive a text.

Want to start eating more healthy food?

  • Get your office manager to store any sugary snacks inside closed cupboards rather than out in the open in the office kitchen. Brian Wansink, the head of Cornell University’s Food and Brand Lab, and the author of Mindless Eating has found that each time we are confronted by a decision of whether or not to eat something, it wears down our will.
  • Designate one refrigerator for bottled water only, and keep all the sugary and diet drinks in another and only open the refrigerator with the bottled water. Better yet, bring a glass to work and just refill it with water every time you feel thirsty. Speaking of thirst, you have probably heard people say that it’s good to drink 8 glasses of water per day. The better rule of thumb is to drink half your bodyweight in ounces per day (e.g. a 180lb person should drink 90oz of water per day). Water is absorbed into the body by the colon, and it is best absorbed if it is introduced slowly throughout the day. Drink 4oz of water every half hour instead of chugging a full glass of water, and you’ll increase your water absorption and be better hydrated.
  • Get rid of any white sugar, white flour, or processed foods you have in your pantry at home and just stop buying them. If you don’t have them in your home, you won’t have to work to avoid the temptation of eating them!

Want to eat less?

  • Get smaller plates. Or just use the salad plates you have instead of the dinner plates. Use teaspoons instead of soup spoons. Research studies have shown that “the bigger the plate is, the more people serve” – as much as 28% more!
  • When you are eating a snack food, take as much as you want to eat out of the container and put it into a serving bowl. Put the rest of the snack food back in the cupboard before you begin eating.

For whatever habit you want to create, think about how you can change your environment to support the new habit. By doing that, you’ll find that the new behavior will become a habit more quickly and easily.

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