Tag Archives: Self-Awareness

Laws of Success

Book on the beach

Napoleon Hill’s work and his book, Think and Grow Rich, have influenced many people within the personal development field. The basic premise is that our focus needs to be on being the type of person to whom whatever it is we are seeking naturally flows. To be successful, we must be willing to dream and pursue our dreams, with a burning desire and unwavering commitment, even in the face of adversity and failure.
What is even more compelling than Napoleon Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich, though, is his book, The Laws of Success, in which he outlines Fifteen Laws of Success. These are:

  1. A Definite Chief Aim — a clearly defined thing you want with burning desire to accomplish or achieve or bring to the world. Hill writes, “There is some one thing that you can do better than anyone else in the world could do it. Search until you find out what this particular line of endeavor is, make it the object of your definite chief aim and them organize all your forces and attack it with the belief that you are going to win.”
  2. Self-Confidence — In its most simple form, this is seeing the best in yourself and believing in yourself.
  3. The Habit of Saving — Develop the habit of saving 20% of everything you earn
  4. Initiative and Leadership — Do that which out to be done without being told to do it, develop the habit of initiative by taking some definite action each day that will carry you nearer your definite chief aim. Leadership is based on knowing your employees, knowing your business, and knowing yourself.
  5. Imagination — Imagination is necessary to create a vision of something not yet created or present.
  6. Enthusiasm — An enthusiastic state of mind will bring energy and momentum to what you are doing. “It is the vital force that impels action.” For more, see video 8 below.
  7. Self-Control — Self-control is what “directs your action so that it will build up and not tear down.” Self-control is the result of thought-control, of deliberately and persistently directing your thoughts and energy in productive, supportive directions. See video 6 below for more on this.
  8. Habit of Doing More Than Paid For — This is the habit of performing more service and better service that that for which you are paid. Think Zappos! here. As Tony Hsieh and the gang at Zappos! found, by doing more than what you are paid for, you are planting seeds that will eventually bear fruit. See video 3 below.
  9. Pleasing Personality — This is described in detail in video 5 below.
  10. Accurate Thought — This is the principle of seeing things as they are, and investigating rather than categorically believing all your thoughts. It requires the ability to distinguish facts from interpretation. See video 12 below.
  11. Concentration — “The act of focusing the mind upon a given desire until ways and means for its realization have been worked out and successfully put into operation.”
  12. Co-operation — Cooperation is what drives organized effort.
  13. Failure — Hill says that what we term “failure” is often more accurately described as “temporary defeat”. He goes on to say that “sound character is usually the handiwork of reverses, and setbacks, and temporary defeat.” So embrace it rather than fearing it!
  14. Tolerance — Tolerance is the path to developing positive and effective relationships with others, building bridges and furthering our world toward a state of peace.
  15. The Golden Rule — This is the “guiding star” of the Laws of Success. Because you reap what you sow, treat others as you wish they would treat you, were the situation reversed.

Here are the Success Principles, as delivered directly by Napoleon Hill:

1. Definiteness of Purpose

2. The Mastermind Principle

3. Going the Extra Mile

4. Applied Faith

5. A Pleasing Personality

6. Self Discipline

7. Positive Mental Attitude

8. Enthusiasm

9. Personal Initiative

10. Overcoming Adversity and Defeat

11. Creative Vision

12. Accurate Thinking

13. Cosmic Habit Force

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What Are You Looking For?

Yesterday, I arrived in San Francisco, and took BART into the city from SFO. I walked from the Embarcadero BART station (in the Financial District) to a bus stop to catch a bus to the place where I was staying. There was more commotion than usual at the bus stop, because there was a commercial being filmed there. As I stood there waiting for the bus, I watched the people involved in the commercial, and noticed that most of them were smoking cigarettes (including the actors being filmed).

After a few minutes, I realized that it was probably too early in the afternoon for the bus to be running, so I began walking toward my destination. I walked through Chinatown and North Beach, and was absolutely amazed by the number of people I saw smoking cigarettes. People taking smoke breaks while standing outside their office buildings, people lighting up as they stepped onto the sidewalk from the Italian restaurants of North Beach, elderly men in Chinatown puffing on cigarettes as they stood and chatted, people walking up and down the streets with cigarettes held nonchalantly between their fingers. It seemed as though well over half the people I saw were smoking cigarettes!

“I had no idea there were so many smokers in San Francisco!” I thought to myself. I was really stunned. Until, that is, I reflected on what I had been doing. Once I saw the first smokers after walking away from the bus stop, my eyes were drawn people with cigarettes. I found myself looking at people’s hands as I watched them walk down the sidewalk. And I did see lots of cigarettes.

Maybe you’ve experienced this same phenomenon…

  • Ever bought a new car only to immediately see that they seem to be everywhere you turned as you drove through town?
  • Maybe you started noticing how quickly many people eat only after consciously deciding to eat more slowly.
  • Have you ever noticed that there are people who always seem to find flaws in everything?
  • Are you one of those people who always sees what’s wrong?

When we pay attention to a particular thing, it’s as though we tune into that particular frequency. If you look for typos when you review marketing materials, you are more likely to see them than if you are just reading through a marketing brochure for the content.

I choose to see the good in people and the world. I hold firmly to the belief that we are all doing the best we can, and that when we know better, we do better. I’ve talked with plenty of people who disagree with my perspective. They say that there are evil people in the world, that some people are just bad. And they find lots of evidence to support their beliefs. If it works for them to hold onto those beliefs, if they think those beliefs will protect them, that’s entirely their business. It’s not that I believe that everyone’s choices and behavior are always optimal or even okay, but I do believe that when people do things that/to hurt others, they are acting from fear or misguided beliefs. Who knows, perhaps they are just oblivious to the impact they are having.

All I know is that when I come from a place of believing that people are doing the best they can, I feel better about my interactions with others, and my interactions with them seem to go better as well. I saw some people cut in front of me and a big line of others recently, and instead of grumbling angrily about how awful they were (like the people behind me were doing), I just assumed they didn’t realize we had all been waiting in a line, and I walked right up to them to let them know. Because I really did assume they hadn’t realized we were waiting, my tone wasn’t filled with frustration or anger, but rather a desire to be helpful. They looked up and saw the line and even looked embarrassed as they thanked me for letting them know.

Hasn’t there ever been a time in your life when you seemed to go completely unconscious because you were lost in thought or enthralled in a conversation or just plain exhausted? The question I often ask myself, and the question I put to you is this:

Are you looking for things you’d like to find?

The reality is that you and I will find whatever it is we are looking for. We are smart and resourceful and competent people. Given that we both know that, are you looking for things in the world:

  • that you want to see?
  • that bring joy to your life?
  • that help you belief in the goodness in people?
  • that make you grateful to be alive?
  • that fill you with love and inspire you to be the kind of person you want to be?

What you choose to look for, you will invariably find.

Choose what you look for wisely!

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What Matters Most to You?

This is a call, a challenge, a plea if you will — for all of us to step back periodically from the frenetic pace of life to reflect on the life we are living.

Ask yourself right now:

  • What is it that truly matters most to me?
  • What provides me with a sense of meaning and happiness?
  • What do I want or need?
  • What are the thoughts or beliefs that are getting in the way of me living the life I really want?

Take a moment. Even though the kids are asking for help with their homework, or the looming work deadline is causing a mad flood of all the things you still need to do to race through your mind. For just this moment, ignore the ping of the text message you just received, the thought of what you promised your husband or wife that you would do and completely forgot about that has a pull so strong that your entire body seems to want to pull itself from the chair on which you are sitting so you can take care of it and check it off your list. Just pause. Breathe.

Do you love yourself enough to create space for the things that are most important to you instead of just reacting and responding to the things that appear to be urgent?

Do you love yourself enough to create space for you?

As you allow yourself to stop and just be, with yourself, what do you notice? How does it feel? Can you feel your breath breathing you? Can you feel your heart beating and the bubbly flow of energy pulsing through your body? Do you notice the places in your body where you are holding tension, holding on to stress that is coming from somewhere outside, or even from the voices you internalized over time that tell you that you “should”  do this or that? Can you relax that part of your body – your shoulder or neck or even the knot in your gut? How would it feel to be you if you did?

The point of stopping is to turn off that autopilot that seems to take over our lives when we don’t pay attention. It can drive your car from home to the office with such ease that suddenly you find yourself pulling into a parking spot even though you spent the entire trip thinking about the conversation you had with your son or daughter or housemate the night before and you realize that you can’t even recall the drive. It is definitely useful at times — to be able to brush your teeth or fold the laundry or do the dishes without having to focus on what you are doing. It frees up mental capacity for other activities. The other thing it does, though, is allow you to easily pull yourself from the present moment and off into some memory of the past or some imaginative future. It keeps the train running smoothly along the tracks, without assessing whether the tracks are heading in the direction of your choosing.

By being clear about what matters to you, what you value, your vision for your life, even specific goals, you can set your intentions – for your personal and your professional life. Your intentions will serve as the touchstone to come back to throughout the day or week. They keep you focused. They keep you moving in the right direction, looking where you want to go.

Intention

What intention do you carry
As you journey through today?
What burns deep within
Affecting all you do and say?
Are you gentle? Unforgiving?
Impatient? Loving?  Feeling bold?
When you interact with others
What stand do you hold?
Stand for your deepest longing
Listen to that wise voice inside
You have more choice than you imagine
Of how to live your life

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The Four Agreements

It was years ago when I first read the “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. At the time, I took everything that other people said personally. I cared a lot about what others thought of me and how they responded to me. I looked to others to help me feel okay about who I am. I compared myself to others, and more importantly my own ideas of what I thought should be true about me and my life.

“The Four Agreements” helped me begin to question all the beliefs that had been influencing me and limiting what I viewed as possible.

As Don Miguel Ruiz says, “We need a great deal of courage to challenge our own beliefs. Because even if we know we didn’t choose all these beliefs, it is also true that we agreed to all of them. The agreement is so strong that even if we understand the concept of it not being true, we feel the blame, the guilt, and the shame that occur if we go against these rules.”

I had ideas that had been instilled in me by my parents, ideas I had learned in school, and from people I interacted with throughout my life. I am smart and competent and considered myself able to analyze and discern, and yet when I stopped to question my beliefs, I realized that some of them weren’t contributing to my happiness with myself and with my life.

“If we can see it is our agreements which rule our life, and we don’t like the dream of our life, we need to change our agreements.”

Ruiz suggests that we consider adopting four agreements that will help us break the grip of agreements we have made that are not serving us. These agreements are:

  1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD — Don’t judge or blame yourself or others. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
  2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY — Everyone has their own filters, their own beliefs and agreements. The way they interpret and respond to everything around them is based on the way they see the world. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
  3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS – Instead of assuming you know what anyone intended or feels or means, be curious and ask questions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
  4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST — Keep in mind that your best changes from moment to moment. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well rested. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

    Ruiz wrote a follow-on book called The Fifth Agreement, in which he added the following agreement to the 4 listed above:

    • BE SKEPTICAL, BUT LEARN TO LISTEN — Don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind the words, and you will understand the real message.

    Don’t take Ruiz’ (or my) word for it. Try it for yourself, and see what happens if you spend the next week living these agreements!

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