Yesterday, I arrived in San Francisco, and took BART into the city from SFO. I walked from the Embarcadero BART station (in the Financial District) to a bus stop to catch a bus to the place where I was staying. There was more commotion than usual at the bus stop, because there was a commercial being filmed there. As I stood there waiting for the bus, I watched the people involved in the commercial, and noticed that most of them were smoking cigarettes (including the actors being filmed).

After a few minutes, I realized that it was probably too early in the afternoon for the bus to be running, so I began walking toward my destination. I walked through Chinatown and North Beach, and was absolutely amazed by the number of people I saw smoking cigarettes. People taking smoke breaks while standing outside their office buildings, people lighting up as they stepped onto the sidewalk from the Italian restaurants of North Beach, elderly men in Chinatown puffing on cigarettes as they stood and chatted, people walking up and down the streets with cigarettes held nonchalantly between their fingers. It seemed as though well over half the people I saw were smoking cigarettes!

“I had no idea there were so many smokers in San Francisco!” I thought to myself. I was really stunned. Until, that is, I reflected on what I had been doing. Once I saw the first smokers after walking away from the bus stop, my eyes were drawn people with cigarettes. I found myself looking at people’s hands as I watched them walk down the sidewalk. And I did see lots of cigarettes.

Maybe you’ve experienced this same phenomenon…

• Ever bought a new car only to immediately see that they seem to be everywhere you turned as you drove through town?
• Maybe you started noticing how quickly many people eat only after consciously deciding to eat more slowly.
• Have you ever noticed that there are people who always seem to find flaws in everything?
• Are you one of those people who always sees what’s wrong?

When we pay attention to a particular thing, it’s as though we tune into that particular frequency. If you look for typos when you review marketing materials, you are more likely to see them than if you are just reading through a marketing brochure for the content.

I choose to see the good in people and the world. I hold firmly to the belief that we are all doing the best we can, and that when we know better, we do better. I’ve talked with plenty of people who disagree with my perspective. They say that there are evil people in the world, that some people are just bad. And they find lots of evidence to support their beliefs. If it works for them to hold onto those beliefs, if they think those beliefs will protect them, that’s entirely their business. It’s not that I believe that everyone’s choices and behavior are always optimal or even okay, but I do believe that when people do things that/to hurt others, they are acting from fear or misguided beliefs. Who knows, perhaps they are just oblivious to the impact they are having.

All I know is that when I come from a place of believing that people are doing the best they can, I feel better about my interactions with others, and my interactions with them seem to go better as well. I saw some people cut in front of me and a big line of others recently, and instead of grumbling angrily about how awful they were (like the people behind me were doing), I just assumed they didn’t realize we had all been waiting in a line, and I walked right up to them to let them know. Because I really did assume they hadn’t realized we were waiting, my tone wasn’t filled with frustration or anger, but rather a desire to be helpful. They looked up and saw the line and even looked embarrassed as they thanked me for letting them know.

Hasn’t there ever been a time in your life when you seemed to go completely unconscious because you were lost in thought or enthralled in a conversation or just plain exhausted? The question I often ask myself, and the question I put to you is this:

Are you looking for things you’d like to find?

The reality is that you and I will find whatever it is we are looking for. We are smart and resourceful and competent people. Given that we both know that, are you looking for things in the world:

• that you want to see?
• that bring joy to your life?
• that help you belief in the goodness in people?
• that make you grateful to be alive?
• that fill you with love and inspire you to be the kind of person you want to be?

What you choose to look for, you will invariably find.

Choose what you look for wisely!