Tag Archives: Mindsets for Success

Laws of Success

Book on the beach

Napoleon Hill’s work and his book, Think and Grow Rich, have influenced many people within the personal development field. The basic premise is that our focus needs to be on being the type of person to whom whatever it is we are seeking naturally flows. To be successful, we must be willing to dream and pursue our dreams, with a burning desire and unwavering commitment, even in the face of adversity and failure.
What is even more compelling than Napoleon Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich, though, is his book, The Laws of Success, in which he outlines Fifteen Laws of Success. These are:

  1. A Definite Chief Aim — a clearly defined thing you want with burning desire to accomplish or achieve or bring to the world. Hill writes, “There is some one thing that you can do better than anyone else in the world could do it. Search until you find out what this particular line of endeavor is, make it the object of your definite chief aim and them organize all your forces and attack it with the belief that you are going to win.”
  2. Self-Confidence — In its most simple form, this is seeing the best in yourself and believing in yourself.
  3. The Habit of Saving — Develop the habit of saving 20% of everything you earn
  4. Initiative and Leadership — Do that which out to be done without being told to do it, develop the habit of initiative by taking some definite action each day that will carry you nearer your definite chief aim. Leadership is based on knowing your employees, knowing your business, and knowing yourself.
  5. Imagination — Imagination is necessary to create a vision of something not yet created or present.
  6. Enthusiasm — An enthusiastic state of mind will bring energy and momentum to what you are doing. “It is the vital force that impels action.” For more, see video 8 below.
  7. Self-Control — Self-control is what “directs your action so that it will build up and not tear down.” Self-control is the result of thought-control, of deliberately and persistently directing your thoughts and energy in productive, supportive directions. See video 6 below for more on this.
  8. Habit of Doing More Than Paid For — This is the habit of performing more service and better service that that for which you are paid. Think Zappos! here. As Tony Hsieh and the gang at Zappos! found, by doing more than what you are paid for, you are planting seeds that will eventually bear fruit. See video 3 below.
  9. Pleasing Personality — This is described in detail in video 5 below.
  10. Accurate Thought — This is the principle of seeing things as they are, and investigating rather than categorically believing all your thoughts. It requires the ability to distinguish facts from interpretation. See video 12 below.
  11. Concentration — “The act of focusing the mind upon a given desire until ways and means for its realization have been worked out and successfully put into operation.”
  12. Co-operation — Cooperation is what drives organized effort.
  13. Failure — Hill says that what we term “failure” is often more accurately described as “temporary defeat”. He goes on to say that “sound character is usually the handiwork of reverses, and setbacks, and temporary defeat.” So embrace it rather than fearing it!
  14. Tolerance — Tolerance is the path to developing positive and effective relationships with others, building bridges and furthering our world toward a state of peace.
  15. The Golden Rule — This is the “guiding star” of the Laws of Success. Because you reap what you sow, treat others as you wish they would treat you, were the situation reversed.

Here are the Success Principles, as delivered directly by Napoleon Hill:

1. Definiteness of Purpose

2. The Mastermind Principle

3. Going the Extra Mile

4. Applied Faith

5. A Pleasing Personality

6. Self Discipline

7. Positive Mental Attitude

8. Enthusiasm

9. Personal Initiative

10. Overcoming Adversity and Defeat

11. Creative Vision

12. Accurate Thinking

13. Cosmic Habit Force

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4 Things To Do When People Show Their Worst

The night before last, I got a phone call from someone in response to a posting I had placed on craigslist to sell my 17″ MacBook Pro. As it happened, I was driving from SF to Southern CA, and I had the laptop with me. I asked him (he said his name was Jeff) if he wanted to meet to see the laptop and decide if he wanted to buy it. At my suggestion, we met at a Starbucks in Pasadena, and we spent 30 minutes chatting as he checked out the laptop, told me he wanted to buy it, and paid me in cash.

The next morning, at the grocery store, and was told by the woman at the cash register that the $100 bill I gave her looked counterfeit. I called Jeff’s cell phone and got a message saying that his mailbox was full.

I noticed the flurry of thoughts that went through my mind:

  • Why didn’t I go ask the clerk at Starbucks to check the bills? I should have been more careful.
  • How could something like this happen without my having any clue that something was amiss? After all, I spent 30 minutes chatting with the guy.
  • Why would someone choose to take advantage of other people? Particularly after meeting them and seeing that they are kind and genuinely interested in them?

I took all the bills he had given me to my bank to ask if they could check the bills to see if they were valid. The bills ran through their money counter machine, but on closer inspection they could see that all 12 $100 bills were actually counterfeit. They showed me how they knew they were counterfeit, and said that they were really good fakes.

Of course, I felt angry that “Jeff” had cheated me and stolen my laptop. My male friends seem to think that I wasn’t as angry as a guy would have been in the same situation. I’m not sure about that. All I know is that I can’t change what happened.

Once something has happened, there is no point in wishing it hadn’t.

Wishing the past was different is insanity. It’s fighting what is true. We cannot change events that have happened. What then, can we do?

  1. Accept what has happened – Whatever the situation, we can’t productively respond to it until we accept that it is what it is. Once I was told by my bank that all the bills were counterfeit, I accepted that he had stolen my laptop. That’s not the same as condoning the behavior of the guy who told me his name was Jeff. I think it’s awful that he chose to rip me off. But the reality is that he did. I can’t do anything to change that — or to change him. Wanting or trying to change someone else is always a losing proposition. If they change or they don’t, that’s their business (and their responsibility). And beating myself up for not having done something differently isn’t helpful either. More on that below.
  2. Think about what to do, given that the situation is what it is – Once I accepted the situation, I could think more clearly about what actions I needed to take.. I looked up the serial number of my laptop. I called the police. I filed a report. I turned in the counterfeit bills, so they are now out of circulation. Hopefully life will present situations that help “Jeff” learn different values. Maybe it will come in the form of the police tracking him down based on the information I provided them. Maybe I’ll even get my laptop back. I’m not holding my breath for that, but I have done what I can do.
  3. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation – I encourage my coaching clients to give their direct reports feed-forward instead of feedback. It’s the difference between saying, “You should have done that differently.” and saying “Next time around, think about doing it this way.” It’s frustrating to be told that you should have done something differently, isn’t it? That’s because there’s no way to change what you have already done. Focusing on taking corrective action or deciding how to do things differently going forward is a better tack to take. The same holds true for inner dialogue. Judgments may very well show up on their own. They did for me in the flurry of thoughts I mentioned above. The thing is, I get to choose whether to stay in that place of beating myself up, or move into a more productive mode of deciding what I will do differently from now on. I now know much better how to identify a counterfeit bill. I will more carefully check bills I receive. If I’m not sure about a bill, I’ll find a way to have it checked before I hand over what I am selling.
  4. Let go and move on – This is a crucial step. And it’s one that many people fail to take. It causes people stay angry or sad long after their physiological response to the event has passed. The reason we continue to harbor negative feelings or hold grudges, is because we tell ourselves a negative story, and we continue to replay the story in our mind. By continuing to think about it, we continue to stoke the fire of whatever emotion that story elicits. It’s totally unnecessary and completely changeable. All you need to do is notice what you are thinking, and actively choose to either change your story or simply think about something else. If you are a parent, you no doubt already do this successfully with your children. Begin doing it with your own inner dialogue. Try it out. And let me know how it works for you.
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Celebrate Anything!

I have been a San Francisco Giants fan since I first moved to the Bay Area in 1990. It’s been incredibly fun to watch Giants fever take over as people change their work schedules around games, and break out their orange shirts and Giants caps. For me, the best part of having the Giants in the World Series, though, is seeing everyone celebrate wildly when they get hits, score runs, and win games. The sports bars are filled with people laughing, jumping up and down, screaming at the top of their lungs, giving everyone around them high-fives, and hugging perfect strangers. It’s just fabulous!

Why is it that we don’t carry this we’re-in-this-together, we-can-do-it, woooo-hoooo!!, yaay-us!, we-rock! energy with us into our daily lives? What would life be like if we did?

Ever heard the term tall poppy syndrome? It’s a term used in Australia, the UK, Ireland, and New Zealand to describe the jealousy and animosity that people sometimes feel toward people who are really successful. Were you taught to avoid being a “tall poppy” so other people wouldn’t try to cut you down?

I have a brother with disabilities, and my parents taught me that it wasn’t considerate or okay for me to celebrate my successes because it might make my brother feel badly. I definitely want the best for my brother, but wasn’t it kind of twisted to believe that by talking about how excited I was that my basketball team won a game, or how happy I was that I got an A on an exam, I would make him feel badly about himself?

I often see that phenomenon show up in some form with my coaching clients as well. A woman who is having difficulty conceiving a child feels badly when she learns that a friend or colleague is pregnant. A man feels jealous of someone in another group who gets promoted because he has been unsuccessfully trying to secure his own promotion. The divorcée can’t seem to muster the ability to feel excited for a friend who announces his engagement.

Feelings like jealousy show up for one of two reasons:

  1. You believe that when someone else has something you want it somehow means that you won’t get what you want
  2. When you hear about someone else getting something that you want, you focus on what is missing or not okay about your life

So many of us seem to feel as though it isn’t okay for us to revel in our successes and kick up our heels and celebrate when life is going fabulously well — because we don’t want to come across as bragging, because we’re worried that if we get really excited about all the good stuff, we’ll somehow jinx ourselves and the other shoe will drop. What’s up with that??

I’d like to propose a different paradigm, and a different set of practices. The paradigm is this:

  • Celebrating your own successes – large or small – is not only okay, it’s a good thing! It promotes your health and well-being.
  • Celebrating other people’s successes will bring you closer to others, and also closer to experiencing successes yourself.

Here are a few practices that can help you move into living this new paradigm:

Go Ahead and Celebrate Your Successes Out Loud!

  • Look for the things you are doing well and the things in your life that are great and exciting. Find ways to celebrate them out loud.
  • Pay attention to how you feel when you give yourself permission to jump up and down with joy. It’s a pretty good feeling, isn’t it?
  • When you do celebrate your successes out loud, notice who in your life gets excited and happy for you, and who tries to curtail your enthusiasm or cut you down.
  • I’d recommend you try to spend more time with the people who celebrate your successes with you and less time with people who try to dampen them.

Celebrate the Successes of Those Around You

  • When someone you know shares good news with you, if you feel excited and happy right away, go ahead and hoot and holler with them!
  • If you don’t feel excited for them right away, take a moment to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine how it would feel to get that raise or promotion, or fall in love, or sell your business, or sign the contract they just told you about. Let yourself feel those feelings. Drink them in. Then do what comes naturally.

Most of all, make the choice to celebrate anything!

Don’t wait for some major life milestone to start celebrating. What do you have to celebrate right now? Can you come up with something/anything to celebrate? Can you invent something? How about the fact that the sun is out, or that you are able to read, or that you have access to a computer and the internet? Why not celebrate the fact that you are able to see a world full of colors, or that there are people in the world who love you, or that you are capable of loving others? Go ahead … let yourself really relish whatever it is. Soak it in. Get silly! Feel the delight of it all. Let go of whatever conditioning has been constraining you, and CELEBRATE!!

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Words of Wisdom from an Elder

Can you imagine what it would be like to live during three centuries?

Walter Breuning was born in 1896. According to Wikipedia, he is the fourth-oldest living person in the world, and the world’s oldest living male. Mr. Breuning turned 114 years old on September 21, 2010.

His reflections of memorable events are wonderful. What most inspired me about his interview, though, is his clarity of thinking and his energy and enthusiasm. I don’t know about you, but I plan to live a long, healthy life. A life in which I love deeply and never stop learning. My hope is that it will be one in which I have helped others, and left the world a better place for having lived.

That reminds me of one of my favorite quotes. I first read a slightly different version of it, a version attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson. This was written in 1905 by Mrs. A.J. Stanley and was the winning entry of a essay contest on “What constitutes success” run by the George Livingston Richards Co. of Boston, MA.

“He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.” ~ Bessie Stanley

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